5 Ways to Deal with Childhood Fears

As a young kid, I had three major fears: clowns, ghosts, and that I’d be brutally murdered by my stuffed animals while I slept. Seriously, I was of the believers that toys came alive once I either 1.) went to sleep or 2.) left the room.

I believed in Toy Story before it ever hit the big screen.

Although that whole clown thing? That will never go away. Clowns are terrifying. Seriously.

Dealing with kids fears can be tough. Currently, I've got a child that fears the garage after a Texas sized cockroach crawled just in front of his feet one afternoon.

In book The Opposite of Worry: The Playful Parenting Approach to Childhood Anxieties and Fears by Lawrence Cohen, I found a number of great ideas for helping kids manage worry and fears. Cohen explores ways to help kids overcome worry by replacing it with its opposites: things like connection, mindfulness, courage, playfulness, and confidence.

If you have a child struggling with fears, even those that are irrational here's what you should try.

Validate Emotions Through Empathy and Calm Confidence

It's really easy to dismiss a child's fears. Even if the anxiety is related to something that can be dangerous—it's hard not to laugh when a child is terrified of an ant crawling next to their toe.

The first few chapters of The Opposite of Worry, Cohen talks about the importance of validating a child's fears, even if they seem silly to you as an adult. Although it seems very counter-intuitive—you might think that validating a fear will make your child even more scared. However in reality, it will help them process the emotion and move through it.

Cohen states that validating your child's fears will help them connect with you, which is a powerful way to counteract worry. You can even do this by simply saying something like "It sounds like you're really scared".

Reduce Children's Panic With Mindful, Sensory Calming

In extreme moments of fear for many, words are not enough. Your child's body is reacting as much as their mind: heart rate speeds up, breathing gets shallow, their mouth grows dry, hands and feet get cold. In a state of panic, validation isn't going to get you anywhere.  Reassurance is even going to get you even less. But sometimes, a physical response will help them cope.

You might already be doing this. I know I tend to hug my kids, pat them and even rock back and forth with them.

Holding your child's hands and warming them with your hands will bring the blood back to their hands. This will cause his heart rate and breathing to slow down, because his body will recognize that the need for flight-or-fight is gone.

Then Cohen says that your child is out of the panic zone of fear, physical activities can help him grow more calm and reset his mental state. For example:

• Rhythmic, steady motion like rocking in a chair helps release tension and calm your child's mind.
• Physical exertion like running or "shaking it off" can help relaxation.
• Calm, rhythmic activities like pouring sand or feeling water coming out of the faucet helps self-regulation.

Challenge Your Child to Test the Edge of Fear

Cohen discusses three reactions that children have to fear: panic, avoidance, and what he calls "feel-and-face." The third is what happens when a child gets close to the edge of her fear by doing something that's scary but not so terrifying that she panics. By gradually working up to the edge, she can decrease her fear.

This is really hard to do but it can be done. Just know patience is your friend with this.

Use Imagination and Creativity to Challenge Anxious Thoughts

Cohen talks about the importance of helping children find their own strength and tools to challenge worry. Anyone can conquer anxiety—you just need to teach them to change "what if" to "what is". Just know: Your child has to change her beliefs herself.

Don't Backpedal and Live in the Past

Although it's fun to tell stories, I've found that telling stories about the kids fears, even if they don't have them anymore is a big confidence buster. So I've stopped. If the kids bring it up, great, otherwise we don't talk about it.

Did you have a childhood fear? How did your parents manage it?